Always Tired?

Published on 20 July 2023 at 00:03

 

 

I have been tired for the past twenty six years. I have been called lazy many times. I hear people tell me they feel tired because they did not sleep well the night before. Some of the same people criticize me for not being present when they want me to. 

 

This year my insomnia has been kicking my butt. When February came around I started having a hard time falling asleep. Then I started having problems staying asleep. Now I'm having problems falling asleep and staying that way. 

 

Did I mention I'm tired all the time? Both mentally and physically. I have to focus the little energy I have left so I can have a life. For example, people that get this will always understand when I don't call all the time or for a period of time. Also when I don't answer a phone call they text me because they understand that mentally I'm just not in the mood to interact with others. They also never make me feel bad not responding or disappearing. 

 

When I'm going through this I spend most of my time alone. I don't talk to people unless I have to or is someone that won't expect me to carry the conversation. I get even more tired of people telling me that I have to do something about it. I never thought of that, I have been missing out on certain things because I enjoy it (rolls eyes).

 

The less I sleep the less patience I am. Mostly with things that have been bothering me for a while and I stayed quiet about it and it has been festering. I also lose my filter and say things how I think them, a lot of the times making people angry. 

 

With my insomnia and my PTSD I have no energy for unnecessary drama. I have no energy to do things I don't enjoy doing. Between that and work my time is very limited so I try to do things and every other day I even do some cardio.

 

In my early twenties I took advantage and had three jobs and college at a time. Because I spent more time awake than the average person I have learned to do many things. I also know a lot of crap that I read while going through a bad insomnia season. Sometimes like now I simply write random things that come to mind. 

 

So in summary I'm tired 24/7, 365 days a year and my time and energy is very valuable to me. People that have been in my life for a long time is because they care enough to understand and work around it. Some even did research and have supported me when my mind is foggy and I don't know left from right.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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