Torture

Published on 20 June 2023 at 01:36

 

 

Just because I don't activity think about the negative things I have experienced, doesn't mean that it doesn't show up unexpectedly. I went to an art show that had a bunch of pictures of a woman with objects placed on her body. But her eyes were full of pain and all I could see was a woman being humiliated while others enjoyed watching. I saw the whole exhibit. I could have left but I chose to stay. I do not know why. I didn't really think the way I was feeling had anything to do with my past. Someone had to point it out to me.

 

How do you tell someone that you were tortured? How do you tell them what happened without losing the way a person looks at you? How do you expect them to see you as a strong person when you explain how weak you were. When you say torture people usually thinks of chains, mouth covering and a lot of crying. Mine was of others laughing at me, hitting me and other things. My experience was not like that. I was tortured for two years. It was a life changing experience. That completely changed the way I see and interact with people. Another reason for me to learn about human behavior later on in life.

 

 

I was five years when my mom took me to my second day care. This one had a few other kids of different ages. I remember the face of each one of them. The elderly lady that took care of us had grandkids that would come by often. They were between the ages of 16-19. The oldest ones were the worse.

 

One day the oldest, I will call her Tina decided it would be a great idea for me to stand facing the corner of the wall for half an hour. She told me she would tell my mom I was behaving badly so she would take me back to the previous place. 

 

Now as an adult I assumed she heard my mom and my new caretaker talk about how the granddaughter of the lady from the previous place scratched my face twice to the point of blood. When the time elapsed and I had not cried or complain once, she got very angry. She came and started shaking me and telling me I was no fun and told to stand there until she said otherwise. I stood there for a long time and begged her to let me use the bathroom. She didn't and I pee myself. I think she panicked a bit because she immediately took me to the shower. 

 

The next time she came by she had other ideas. She told me to get under the bed. the bed was very low and close to the floor. I was a small kid, but it was still a tight fit. She left me there for what felt like eternity. When she took me out, she was angry that I had not cried again. She took me into the bathroom and put me under cold water. Sometime after she got the idea to bring a bag of ice and fill the tub with cold water and put me there. She did these types of things every day in front of all the other kids. She would put makeup on my face and then make fun of me with her cousins. Two of them would often call me names and say hurtful things. She slapped me a few times and would shake me a lot trying to make me cry.


I don't think I ever cried or complained, and this went on for a long time. The apartment was on a first floor and i learned how to escape out the window and walk the edge until i reach an area I could get down. I would then either stay on the back for a long time and go back when it was time for dinner or for pickup.


The lady that took care of me spent most of her time in the kitchen. She had under her care kids younger than me. I told my mother about this when I was a teenager after she and I visited NY and stayed at her friend's home which was the mother of one of the cousins. Something worse than this happened to me at this day care that I can talk about and maybe someday soon I will feel comfortable writing about it too.

 

 

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